im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
