Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
