so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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