thus making me awesome and them whores
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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