watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
