In the future we'll all be gay
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
