I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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