So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
