Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize