Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
