Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
