she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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