he wants to bone in the snuggie
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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