I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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