I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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