I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
