So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
