He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
