You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
