I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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