I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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