I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
