Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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