Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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