People in love make me want to vomit
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
