wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
