I just cut my nipple shaving
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
