remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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