I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
