i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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