I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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