i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
