i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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