Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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