highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
