How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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