Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
