Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
