If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
