my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
