i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
