I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
