i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
