I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
