the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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