member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has the fingertips of a God
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