Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
