would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize