i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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