Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My legs feel like baby dolphins
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
