I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
