Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
