so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
