There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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