I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
