i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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