I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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