How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
ttyl tear gas
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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