booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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