I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
