Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

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(361): View more from Texas

Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??

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(347): View more from New York

when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign

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(712): View more from Iowa

buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(740): View more from Ohio

Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?

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(818): View more from California

I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story

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(805): View more from California

I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call

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