before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
