one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
