no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
