I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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