It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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