Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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