i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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