wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
