i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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