So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
