i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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