She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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