I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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