i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
