Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
