The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
