Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
