Buhtt sex?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
