fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
