I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
