Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
