Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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