Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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