I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
